Empowering Teenagers – Sex no more a taboo

April 5, 2012 by  
Filed under newsletter-miscellaneous

It is very sad and disheartening to note that, a teenage boy Sunil has committed a rape, -sex crime in his early age of 14 years. Also it gives much more shocking information of 7 such sex related cases within a period of 45 days in the undivided Dakshina Kannada district!

What are the causes for such sex related crimes among our budding adolescent children? Adolescent or teen age is such an age where a boy/girl is bubbling with energy; rather we can name it as an irritable age, both mental and physical irritation.
 
The outpouring of sex hormones into the blood at its maximum in both boys and girls at this age and definitely chances of a teenager ending up in unwanted sex crimes is too high. Who to blame for the mistake happened without the proper knowledge? Sex is a major bodily hunger to every adolescent at this age.
 
In our Asian Society sex is such a taboo, and lack of proper guidance and knowledge may end up in these kinds of serious offences at a very tender age. How many of we parents, educated/uneducated are prepared to enquire the sex related problems with our growing teen children? Sex and discussion on sex is a big offence or still it is a taboo in our culture. Even our schools never teach a bit of sex. Growing teenager get the maximum wrong tutoring from his peer groups! Lack of proper knowledge and guidance is the major cause of all these disasters.
 
Who does not want sex? Don’t you think love is the other name for lust? If not why love affair or love instinct starts from adolescent age? It is just like any other sense, hunger or thirst. But proper education and empowering our teenager from parent control to self control is the major task ahead to regulate the unwanted activities.
 
Parenting teenagers for preparing them for proper adulthood is the most important step of every parent. As we send our children for the best education and dreaming them for a best profession in life, preparing them for a proper adulthood is the important task. At this tender age (I call it a “bodily risky age”) a teenager is bubbling with power and that makes him to struggle and push forward into independence.
 
A proper parent guided informative control shall only direct them to an independent self controlled adulthood. Parents need to find the balance between dependence and independence with their teen children. To prepare them for a self controlled individual from parent controlled teenager, it is our duty to build a succession of principles involving self control, self discipline, responsibility, independence, personal maturity and ability to solve the problems. It is the prime responsibility of every parent to develop the aforementioned principles in their teenage children.
 
Some simple suggestions are, try to discuss about sex and inform your teenager about the bodily changes that occur at that age. Don’t hesitate to reveal about the sexual life and make a stronger point that sex is allowed only in a wedded bond. Train your teenager to understand the situations so that he can set limit for himself/herself. Building a positive trust is another important step between parent and teenage children. This requires parental love and understanding so that their teenager develops a right attitude of trust. By teaching responsibility to your teenager, allow them to experience life consequences, provide them adequate protection, not too protective nor too freedom. 
 
Communication with your teenager is also important as to develop a loving relationship. Most of the time, we parents block our communication with our teenager by –
1. Threatening and warning
2. Ordering and commanding
3. Criticizing, judging and blaming
4. Preaching, moral sermons and shouting
5. Interrogating
6. Diagnosing motives
7. Giving untimely advice
8. Changing the topic of conversation
9. Comparing with neighbor children
10. Highlighting with negatives
These negatives ultimately yield a fruit of parent dislike mentality in your child.
 
Ways to develop good communication with teenager –
1. Valuing their opinion
2. Showing respect to your teenager
3. Listening to your teenager effectively
4. Understanding your teenagers point of view
5. Making them realize that you care their feelings and thinking
6. Making them understand that, as a parent, you are to forgive them when a mistake happens
7. Don’t lecture them
8. Show them affection and give them lots of love
9. Use open responses
10. Win their confidence and make them realize you expect the same confidence from them.

Help your teenager to solve any problems –
Try to listen their problems empathetically and try to work through the problems together. This problem solving helps your teenager to take responsibility and make him to learn to work through difficult situations. It is very important to teach your teenager to think logically.

Steps to problem solving –
1. Listen discuss and clarify
2. Work out towards the problem together
3. Explore alternative ways for solution.
4. Pray and seek the Lord together (moral binding and faith)
5. Choose the solution
6. Confirm the decision
7. Evaluate the problem.
 
Help your teenager to grow spiritually
“Children, obey your parents, this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God’s Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing. And a word to you parents, don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather bring them up with loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and Godly advice” – Eph 6:1

As parents we are highly responsible in training our teenagers teaching and showing them how to live. It involves
1. Set an example, being real and authentic whatever faith you follow (religion)
2. Give Godly advice and counsel if required
3. Help your teenager to face and work through problems
4. Good moral grounding
5. Encouraging the teenager to discover himself
6. Setting an example in forgiveness
7. Teach your child to differentiate between realistic to fantasy filled life
8. Tell them that, filmy stories are full of fantasy filled unrealistic games to earn fortune only for the celebrities and life reality is opposite to filmy stories.

Let us make the teenager to understand that, sex is allowed only among married couples-Husband and wife. A teenager should get prepared himself for a responsible adulthood. Practice of sex beyond matrimony is unhealthy, socially illegal and consequences are serious. Let us set an example of role model and prepare our teenager to a proper adulthood. The more we hide much more curious shall be one to seek it. This holds with the sex knowledge during adolescence. Teenager is more curious about sex; an attempt to seek in a hidden atmosphere may end up in raping a neighbor adolescent – a sex crime!

– fwd: christabel frank

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